We met at the strangest time of my life. I didn't even know where I wanted to go. All that was beyond me was a complete blackness.
I was wandering alone, in a half-consciousness, you came just like that.
At first, I doubted you. Well, in fact I doubted everything around me.
I lost track in what I believe in, because all I knew was nothing and no one could be trusted.
I was too tired to give my heart to someone and to start over again, because I hate disappointment and I hate to fail again. Let's be real here.
But, oddly, since the very first time, we tried to be open about what we felt. You listened to me and I listened to you. We discussed about things that mattered.
Three things that used to be essential to me on dating: book, music, movie. I forgot them just like that because there was even more important issue that connected us as human being: life. Life matters. We talked about life, and in an instant we connected (even we talked about music and movie also).
Our lives. Our past. Our imaginable-future. And most importantly, what we felt that time, in the present. Gradually, you brought back myself to 'the present'.
I couldn't promise you anything, as I didn't expect you to promise me anything either. Let's just be real, let's just be honest, and let's just do our best for 'the present' to make 'the future' possible.
But honestly, I'm scared right now, about the future that awaits me. Really, I might seem like a careless girl who doesn't care about things, but I do, I really do think much about the future and about anything in fact, as I tend to be an overthinking person.
I am afraid of starting a new relationship. I am afraid of failure. I know I am being dramatic. But if I am going to start a new relationship, I want it to be the last, to be real.
I'm happy that you are around. You gave me all the good things you had. Sorry that I was being such a jerk, sometimes treating you badly. But I just wanted to know how you handle things, how you handle me. I just want to be as arrogant as I am, so you can see the worst in me. It's not only about seeing the best in each other, right?
As I knew, you did great. You treated me good, but I didn't know if it was good enough to take us to the next level, or was I good enough for you.
One thing that I knew for sure, once I give you my heart fully, I will love you with all the love that exists in the universe.
So, I wish all the good things for our relationship for the present... and hopefully God will take us to the future. Let's just do our best for our lives right now.
All I want to say is, thank you for helping me to find my way to myself. And I hope we can find ours.
If it's meant to be, it will be.